Here I am... decided to fly away for a while... but I seem to find my mind wandering to think about Lou.

I called her to remind her that it's Dale's wedding this Saturday... It was just an excuse really... I just wanted to her from her... as I've told AM... a little bit of me wants to believe that all this is just a bad dream and I'll be waking up again with her in my arms again soon... wishful thinking at best...

I know that I've done the sums and it all adds up that she's not good for me... Why I am so hung on? I dunno... I was so distraught when I realised that after this phonecall... we would share nothing in common anymore...

It's all in the anticipation of loss future good times that really gets to me... Initially we were supposed to go to melbourne... then that was cancelled... we had a good time over her birthday... christmas and new years... is a relationship in this day and age so fragile that it fractures and shatters in a matter of weeks??

Maybe I fell in love too soon... Maybe I fell too deep... Maybe she was just the wrong person from the very beginning...

Well she didn't understand the way I travelled... in fact in retrospect... she disrespected me a lot... when i shared about the boat ppl in Mabul, she retorted that she knew... that she lived in Mauritius she's seen all these things...

AM just pointed out a fact... if she really cared... she would have stayed to try to work things out... the fact is that even if she cared... she didn't care enough... at least not enough to hang around for the rest of the stuff... I dunno... deep inside I wish her the best... somehow I think she may not find a person to match up to what she's really looking for in a partner...