I lost something...

I've been going through periods of self-reflection these few weeks...
'touching base*' with myself...

So much has been happening, so many opportunities that came with work...
some expected for a few months ago resurfacing to reality...
and some counter offers that have offered me a career vs. a job...
I am seriously confused...
Am I really that sought after?
Am I really that valuable to the organization?
Or just a pawn on the chest set?

I've spent 1.5 years in MICU already...
as part of trying to gain a foothold in ICU...
I've realised that I've sold out...
I've bent over backwards... worn a mask to work everyday...
work became managing my colleagues more then nursing my patients...

Not to mention the relationship I had with lou also took a large piece of me...



* Don't really like this term, but it's been thrown into my face so much recently that I'd thought that I'd try to use it alittle too... =1